Shabbat Shalom

I am learning to quiet the voices in my head that say, "you aren't learning fast enough. what a faliure. you can't do this. why are you here?" I read my brother Jonathan's blog today. www.jonathansojourn.blogspot.com Everytime I feel I am stuggling, all alone, I look at his blog and realize we are stuggling together. And now Ben, my "little" brother has left home to persue some new adventures.

I know he has stuggles with how to make his dreams a reality. College is expensive, especially a private one in the mountains of Colorado. I am sure it would be a wonderful experience. But he is doing a program right now in Philidelphia called City Year. He will will be working with kids and in the end of the year he gets money towards school. Who knows, maybe he will have the door open to a new path, maybe not.

The journey is the thing, not the destination.
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This weekend I am staying on the Kibbutz. I desided last night that I have to make Shabbat for me, my way. I worked yesterday till 11:30 in the laundry. It was really nice because there was almost no one there. Usually there are lots of people. If I work an extra hour everyday the week before, I get the next Friday off. But last week I had a bit of a cold, so I didn't do it.

But working on Friday alone was nice. I folded laundry for about 2 1/2 hours and then ironed pants for the next 2 hours. I was taught how to use the big steam iron for pants and dresses. I really enjoy it and the women seem to be pleased with my work. You can get burned pretty bad though. Steam is really hot. I feel like I am getting a facial everytime I am working the machine.

As long as I can do a few things each day, it is fine. The days that I have to iron with the small hand irons for 4 hours kill. Also folding sheets for 4 hours kills. I learned to put the folded clothes away in there cubbies too.

After work I ate some lunch and headed down to the beach. It was really windy which was nice because it also was extemely hot. The water is so warm here too. I watched the waves and swam a bit and then fell asleep on the sand. I always have some crazy dreams when I am sleeping at the beach.

I went back to my room at about 4:30 and took a shower and put on a nice dress, not my usual shirts and a t-shirt. I lit some incense and Shabbat candles. It felt really good. Then I had dinner with some people on the ulpan that I had never really talked too. We were saying how there are so many people that you never even say more than "Hi" to. Zac is American also, and Adam is South African. It was really nice. We talked about Photography; Adam's father is a photographer in South Africa.

On Fridays the cafe is open, so had had a coffee with my friend Danny. He is researching Turkey, Greece, and Italy. He is sort of thinking about going to one of those places for the Rosh Hashana holiday and I might just tag along if the price is right.

Then I read the newspaper and hit the hay at about midnight. Usually on Friday nights I sleep aweful, because the pub is right out side my door. And on Fridays it is a disco. But last night, either it wasn't so loud or I was really tired.

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Next week should be really fun. I might go back on the same walk to Ceasarea with Adam. He wanted to take some picture, he has a really nice camera from his dad. I think I might break out the old film cameras and see if they are not too angry at me for letting them get dusty.

Also on Tuesday we will be getting on a bus at 5 am to take another Ti-ul (excersion) to the Golan. The Golan is the Northeastern region of Israel. It is a real departure from the rest of the country, because it is pretty lush. In the winter it snows there too. So we will be gon all day, hiking around. My new kibbutz dad will be leading the hike, so that should be great.

Anyway you all, I wish you the peace of the Shabbath, where ever you are. Love, joy, and contentment.